yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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