dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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