...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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