i can't believe i had my finger in that
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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