I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
