NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
