Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize