and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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