I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
