ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
