just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
