On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
