i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Randomize
