His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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