I heard we made out
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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