Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
