is your mom at the bar?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
