Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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