I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Randomize
