You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
