My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I will be naked everywhere
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
