please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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