I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
