I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Actions speak louder than pants.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
