I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
