I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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