i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
