If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
