tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
