I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
