You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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