She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
