Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
