I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize