its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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