I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
