I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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