So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
smell my finger.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
