Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
