After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
