oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
