Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
