so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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