How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
