"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
