I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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