Nicole vs. Life
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
