I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
