The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
