Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
