thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i think i have herpe
just one?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
