Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
