I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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