the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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