just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
