its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
