On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dicks are not precious.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
