i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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