yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
