checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
