im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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