My room smells like vodka and shame
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
