this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
