i think my mom watched the whole time
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
