i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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