God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
