i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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