Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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