Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
