i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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