Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
