It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
