dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
