Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(406): View more from Montana

I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.

Fav 7 1952 1013
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(478): View more from Georgia

I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?

Fav 23 3694 1123
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(845): View more from New York

Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.

Fav 20 7315 963
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(847): View more from Illinois

no one should ever give us hovercrafts

Fav 25 4796 1041
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(513): View more from Ohio

Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar

Fav 7 4043 1149
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(310): View more from California

A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.

Fav 2 1587 1054
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.

Fav 11 3554 1148
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(620): View more from Kansas

Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night

Fav 1 838 562
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(702): View more from Nevada

I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence

Fav 2 110 15
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